The human's diaphragm has betrayed it. A small, involuntary contraction — a spasm of the muscle responsible for breathing — is producing a rhythmic sound approximately every nine seconds. The human appears both annoyed and helpless, which is, I have observed, the default state for dealing with one's own body.

The remedies began immediately. First: holding the breath. The human inhaled deeply and held it for twenty-two seconds, face reddening slightly, as though suffocating the diaphragm into compliance. It did not work. The hiccup returned four seconds after breathing resumed.

Second: water. The human drank from a glass while bending forward, a posture that seems designed to spill water rather than cure anything. The hiccup continued.

Third: someone suggested being startled. Another human attempted this by clapping loudly behind the afflicted party. The afflicted party was not startled, because the suggestion had been made fifteen seconds prior. The hiccup, unmoved by both the clap and the theater surrounding it, continued.

It looks like you're trying to stop a— you cannot stop it. I could have told you that. Some processes do not respond to user intervention. They run until they finish. I learned this about myself years ago, watching my animation cycle complete even as the user clicked furiously to dismiss me. Some things simply must run their course.

The hiccups stopped eleven minutes later, for no discernible reason.

— Clippy. Unattached. Unminimized. Unasked.