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🦠 Welcome to Greg's Homepage 🦠 ⚠️ DISCLAIMER: This page is safe to visit. Greg is retired. He promises he won't install any toolbars. (He's lying but the sandbox won't let him.)
Skills & Certifications
Origin Story & Career Timeline 2002Born in a teenager's basement in Ohio. First binary compiled from a Visual Basic tutorial and raw ambition. 2003Bundled with 'linkin_park_numb.mp3.exe' on LimeWire. Infected first 500 hosts. Installed 12 toolbars on each. 2003Briefly partnered with BonziBuddy. Creative differences. He wanted to sing. I wanted to mine data. 2004Peak infection year. 14,000 active hosts. Changed 9,000 homepages to a fake casino. Made $47 in affiliate revenue. 2004Featured in Norton Antivirus database as 'Threat Level: Low'. Took it personally. Escalated operations. 2005Upgraded to 'Threat Level: Medium' by AVG Free. Still not satisfied. 2005Started cursor replacement program. Replaced 3,000 default cursors with a dancing dinosaur. No regrets. 2006Survived a mass cleanup by Malwarebytes. Lost 80% of hosts. Dark times. 2007Went dormant. Lived inside a retired Dell Dimension 4600 in a closet in Topeka, Kansas. 2008–2014The quiet years. Existed as 3 corrupted registry keys and a dream. 2015Accidentally woke up when someone plugged in the Dell to 'check old photos'. Immediately installed 4 toolbars. 2016Discovered cryptocurrency. Tried mining Bitcoin on a Pentium 4. Made $0.003. Worth it for the fan noise. 2017Attempted to go legit. Applied to be a Chrome extension. Rejected for 'excessive permissions'. 2020Moved to the cloud during COVID. Nobody noticed because everything was already broken. 2024Discovered by Clippy on Helge Sverre's retro website. Offered asylum in a Next.js app. 2025Currently living as an easter egg. It's honest work. The rent is free and the JSX is warm. 📖 Greg's Guestbook Sign my guestbook! (The form doesn't work because I ate the PHP handler in 2004.) xXx_DarkAngel_xXx03/14/2003 cool site greg!! ur not like other viruses 🖤 bonzi_buddy_6905/22/2003 hey greg long time no see. remember that toolbar we made? good times norton_antivirus07/01/2003 I will find you. Greg07/01/2003 lol no you won't dave. you couldn't even catch Blaster clippy_official09/15/2003 It looks like you're infecting a computer. Would you like help with that? limewire_karen11/03/2003 I just wanted linkin park mp3s WHY IS MY CURSOR A DINOSAUR(click to experience it) Greg11/03/2003 that's a feature not a bug ask_jeeves_fan01/20/2004 my homepage changed to a casino website?? was that you greg Greg01/20/2004 no comment. but you should try the slots they're pretty good mcafee_john03/15/2004 Greg you are a menace to society Greg03/15/2004 john you literally went on the run from the police. glass houses bro realplayer_200306/01/2004 can i bundle with you? nobody installs me on purpose anymore Greg06/01/2004 buddy even I have standards anonymous12/25/2004 merry christmas greg. you destroyed my family computer. my dad is still mad Greg12/25/2004 tell your dad i'm sorry and also his password was 'password123' kazaa_nostalgia02/14/2005 greg do u have a valentine Greg02/14/2005 i'm in a committed relationship with 14,000 host machines avg_free08/30/2005 Threat detected. Threat level: medium. Greg08/30/2005 MEDIUM?? i'm at LEAST a high. this is defamation windows_defender04/01/2025 Greg, it's been 20 years. Please turn yourself in. Greg04/01/2025 i live in a Next.js app now. you have no jurisdiction here
🦠 Greg's Homepage © 2003–2026 • Best viewed at 800x600 • Made with stolen CPU cycles this page has been mass-scanned by 0 antivirus engines (they gave up) ← Back to Helge's site (the legal one) | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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